The Very Secret Diaries

If you missed these, they're a wonderful parody of the Lord of the Rings films, by a woman who has just sold her first book! In Cassandra Claire's honor, a revisit of The Very Secret Diaries. Here are some classic excerpts from Legolas's diary:

Day Four: Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down. Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!
Day 30: All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion. Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Still the prettiest.
Day 33: Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.

And who could ever forget Aragorn's "Still not king?"